the bigger picture 00:49:37 on Friday, March 27 2009

Sometimes it's really difficult. In work, in play, in life, we have to do things that at the time are not easy but we do them for the greater good, because ultimately, eventually, it will be worth it.

There are aspects of my job that really challenge the desire for instant gratification. But that is when it is so important to look at my motives, remember the bigger picture, and remind myself that hard work, sincerity and truth pay off, always, in the end.

Anorexia becomes entwined in the person's Soul, and when you play the part of helping to disentangle the two, you are not always popular. But I have more than enough evidence and experience to know to stick with it - the results can be out of this world and wonderful. I believe in what I am doing, and need to remember that, and confirm to myself of the reasons why. And I thank, from the bottom of my heart, those people who show me so much support in the process.

broken english 00:34:12 on Friday, March 27 2009

We arrived early at the airport, an hour and half too early for me to check in for my flight back home. So we left, and drove around the island, and talked about many things.

Time to head back to the airport, but where was it? We couldn't find it and so paused to ask for directions... and were told to head back up the road, turn left and go upstairs.

"Upstairs" we went, and found the planes. And now I am back home, after a very good visit, with a head full of thoughts and memories and shortly I will be heading up spring cottage stairs. Destination: Sleep.

waves 10:17:38 on Tuesday, March 24 2009

I am sitting here looking out over the most stunning views of open space and azure sea. And I am sending you a wave from a beautiful island surrounded by mediterranean sea and crashing waves.

This is not a holiday - this is work. It is good, and I will be back home soon and catch up with you then.

Meantime, I am waving and sending you some warmth and sunshine.

(It's not as warm as you might think though - and there is no way in the world that I will be persuaded - no matter how much they continue try - to snorkel amongst those chilly, choppy waves... maybe if there is a "next time" I might!)

pedalling on a stationery bike 01:22:09 on Tuesday, March 17 2009

It's not fair to say I am pedalling backwards, as was my first thought for a blog-itle - there is nothing backwards about the way things are going. And to be honest, I am far from stationery (or is that stationary?) ... things are moving along and busy at the moment, things are being done, work is being acheived, I've been up and down and across the UK the last few weeks, which is great - and important - and I am grateful!!!

There is such alot to do that no matter what gets done, more seems to appear (hence title) - which is fantastic in so many ways, but I just can't seem to chip away at the stack of jobs-pending. I massively need to do some marketing of springback, I need to wade through admin, and I desperately need to catch up on study and do the exams for my Diploma the deadline is imminent.

They say if you want a job to get done, give it to a busy person. Well, I want lots of things to be done, and as a busy person a ce moment, hopefully I won't let myself down!

handing over (ii) 01:03:57 on Tuesday, March 17 2009

In my job I work on a number of different levels. Prevention. Education. Intervention. Inspiration. And ongoing, unconditional Support.

Prevention and Education go hand in hand, they work together. I offer the education that can sometimes help to prevent a downfall - so the evidence suggests. I am a huge advocate of openess, and I focus on providing a safe forum for honest speech and expression. It is the first stage of handing over, it is the first step on the road to better things. I believe in team work - working together, on a level playing field.

Intervention comes about in many ways - rarely easy, but always possible, and there is a simple process of steps involved, and if they are followed, they will get a result. They will help that person or people who are struggling to be helped, and give hope to the helpless and hopeless. If it could be done with the flick of a switch then that's the way it would be done, but people are complex, unique and each one is individual and special - the best way is the way that is right for that one precious being, and what is right for one is not always the same as what is right for another. I never, ever, put people in boxes or categories - and I hope I never will be disrespectful enough to do so. Handing over often involves intervention - getting in the way and arresting the illness, the process, the situation.

Inspiration - if you can show someone another way, a better way, it can inspire change. But helping them to open their eyes, to really see it and feel it, is a role of many dimensions. It can take time, and can not be forced or faked. The only inspiration that really is effective in the process of handing over, is that which is 100% genuine and real - anything less and the process becomes flawed.

Recovery of life (as opposed to recovery from the pain that went before - I prefer looking at it this way round) is an ongoing process of handing over, a day at a time, and using the tools of recovery - honesty, humility, openess and willingness, to learn, and live, and grow, and smile.

handing over 00:38:18 on Tuesday, March 17 2009

For some, the idea of "handing over" is a blessed relief - handing over responsibility, expectation, decisions... and control. For some, indeed, the very idea of it is too good to be true.

It's not always as easy as it sounds though. Not even when doing things your way is all going wrong, and wearing you out, and costing a high price. Even at these times, letting go, handing over, is a terrible, terrifying thought.

If you have ever struggled with your head - your feelings - and your heart feels torn in two, you will know exactly what I mean.

silly billy 01:50:01 on Monday, March 9 2009

Billy is confused. He now has two dog-flaps between him and the garden. He is used to one, and tears in and out of it at a million miles an hour without a problem. But two, now that is proving to be tricky.

The back door (lockable, obviously, and possessing dogflap number one, the familiar one) opens into the potting shed, and back door number two, which to date has never been shut. Since I moved here it's been lock-less and dog-flap less. Now after some work it has both - and Billy doesn't get it. He is used to the door being open and whizzing back and forth without a second thought.

But he knows dog-flaps, and he knows the garden is on the other side of them, so why can't he get his head around the fact that Al has got another one for him, so that she can shut the door and keep the potting shed secure, and the cottage a little (hopefully) warmer too?

I refuse to be a slave to His Royal Naughtiness. If he wants to go out - or come in, I am not going to open my newly shuttable door. He can use his own door within my door... if he would only use his little brain to work it out...

done, doing, and to-do's 01:40:19 on Monday, March 9 2009

Another week done. Tick. Alot underway at present. Tick. And plenty more to keep me on my toes in the new week. Tick, tick, tick.

Last week was full - and mostly fantastic. Lots of time spent on trains, travelling between appointments and schools up and down the UK. I spoke to some fabulous young people earlier in the week - receptive audiences to whom I was introduced so warmly, and who gave me their attention and their time and we worked well together. 10 hours of trains in 2 days was alot of time to sit and think, and work, and read, and think some more. Not just drifting thoughts and imaginings, but also constructive thinking and writing things down and gaining clarity.

The week ended with a one-day total write-off. Never had one before, never want one again, I had a migraine Not good, not nice, 36 hours of hideousness. By saturday I was starting to "bounce back" but approached the weekend with trepidation, suspecting chaos and mess (and the cottage collapsing around my feet?!) as two rear windows were being replaced. As it turned out, yes there was some mess, yes it has been non-stop all weekend with cleaning, clearing, sorting, but Len and Dad are my Super Hero's - job done (and a few more besides), and done well, and here's to an end to drafty rotten windows and here's to more warmth and home-improvement

By the time I fell into bed last night, having put the paintbrush, vacuum cleaner, Flash, dustpan and brush, and hairdryer down, it was later than it is now, and I was tired, but well. I slept soundly. Today the work of the Super Hero's continued, and my main job was tea and sandwich maker, whilst also planting out hanging baskets and spending forever and a day cleaning out the potting shed (I laughed as I heard SuperHero number 1 refer to it as "the conservatory", ha ha, if only! What it actually consists of is a tiny lean-to added on to the back of the cottage, full of flower pots and garden "stuff")

Next week is a busy busy working week. Here there and everywhere. Which is why I need to get some beauty sleep. Good night reader, be good to yourself, and to others also.