the call of the sea 01:36:17 on Sunday, February 28 2010

Well it's been a while, but on saturday afternoon we got there. A beautiful bleak walk by the sea.

As usual, I was glad that the weather forecast was wrong. There was no rain. There were no dark skies. I woke up to clear skies and pockets of sunshine. After a late start to the day I hot footed it to the supermarket, zoomed back here and then the good times began.

Along with a friend for me of the two-footed variety, and a four-footed buddy for Billy we headed down to Camber Sands and climbed across the sand dunes and over to the beach. It was indeed bleak. It was indeed beautiful. We walked and talked and the dogs ran marathons. There were a few other people about - dog walkers, couples, kite-surfers...

It was wet, it was cold and fresh, and slightly overcast. It was bliss. Every cell of my body appreciated the time, the space, the air and the freedom.

Billy and Stripe charged hither and thither, chasing after sticks and stones. Billy perfected his "bedraggled" look, and tried his best to outrun Stripe. Weeny Stripe was not to be beaten by Bill though, which is saying something, as my boy is a speedy one.

Most of friday was spent in the car. Next week is going to be quite intense, infact most of March is going to be much the same. But to take an hour or two out, as and when, despite the work that is stacking up and the emails that are owed, stops me creaking and aching and groaning and yawning.... The sea is healing, and for me, it's very special

busy 22:10:27 on Wednesday, February 17 2010

This term is proving to be particularly busy! I know that I am chasing my tail most of the time, trying to keep up with admin and travels and speakers and talks and clients (and BILLS) and life in general. The dirty rotten tax man has spoken again and he's not very nice.

I am proud in some small way, to have my head above water and to be independently managing to find my way through. I am sick of the worry about it all but I am so incredibly lucky compared to the unemployed, the underemployed, the homeless and the hopeless. I've always been fiercely determined to make ends meet, and one way or another I do.

The fact that I have a hectic few weeks ahead is a good thing, even if it feels a little daunting right now! I am doing alot more talks this (shorter) term than I did in the long autumn term - as well as having my 2 Pilates classes that I have committed to teaching each week

Last week I couldn't teach either Pilates class due to overbooking myself, but this week I did. I loved them - esp my tuesday evening class which is a good giggle..... I make a point of generating laughter in a bid to distract my lovely class members from the hard work I am putting them through! And we do all work hard, and have a proper laugh too. Everyone smiles.

The sooner I can stop running classes in the gym and set up my own elsewhere, the better. But it's a good start. And right now I have enough on my plate and can't even think about hall-hire, publicity and drawing people in. It'll happen, in it's own good time - a few months from now. Just watch this space!

waves 21:55:01 on Wednesday, February 17 2010

I have been speaking in schools for years now. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I am straightforward. I can only imagine that the reaction by others is bound to have been varied.

For me, my reaction to speaking has definitely varied with the passage of time. In the early years there was some angst about what to say and how to say it and how will it come across to the audience. In latter years that has lessened as time and feedback has proven that what I say can and does make a difference for some. In more recent times I have been through massive waves - waves of joy versus frustration, confidence versus doubt, exhaustion (at saying the same thing time and time again) versus energy.

The deja vu that I have experienced increasingly has been difficult. But hand on heart, just recently there have been some school visits that have been just awesome, as I have talked freely and openly, heard myself rephrasing, bringing new light and new dimensions into my presentation, and I've surprised myself by realising that I am not on a hamster wheel going round and round and round - it is evolving all the time...

I'll keep going - I believe in it, and it is a pathway to the next thing that might be in store. All of my business at present is down to repeat bookings or word of mouth, there has been no marketing involved. So we must be doing something right.

is spring in the air? 21:45:43 on Wednesday, February 17 2010

I woke at 6 this morning. Looking out of the window the garden was cold and crisp and frosty. I put the radio on and went back to bed for a little while. Bliss

Despite the chilliness it has been a beautiful day. We didn't manage a dog walk but we did manage some playtime in the garden. And some gardening! I cleared up lots of old leaves, disentangled the wisteria, and did some weeding. Billy pretended to help but really he just got in the way. If I was in a flower bed being productive he wanted to join me and be destructive. As I cleared away debris and deadness, I uncovered lots of new shoots of spring bulbs and life. On the bank at the bottom of the garden, snowdrops are blooming. It is lovely to think that the garden is starting to wake up - I don't doubt that we have more frosts and coldness to come, but there is warmth and sunshine to follow, and boy am I ready for it.

careers 00:42:53 on Tuesday, February 9 2010

Whilst we are on the subject of jobs, it's something I have been pondering much of late. I still don't know "what I want to be when I grow up". Yes, I am a grown-up (apparently so) and yes I have a job, and I appreciate both of these things, but it evolved despite the odds and without it being "the plan" and I am not sure where it is all leading.

One thing I do know is that in years to come Al and Springback will not be the same as they are and as they do just now (at least I trust they won't be) but quite what is next or when it will make itself known I often wonder. Don't get me wrong, my heart is in my work and the fact that this business thrives on word of mouth alone at present is incredible, but there is more to me than this. I just don't know quite what.

I spent the first 16 years of my life quite certain of what career path I would pursue, and I had uni offers that suggested that the dream of a lifetime was indeed a realistic goal. Then life took twists and turns and 7 years later I was starting again. Since then, I have been lucky that I have never been unemployed, but work has never been quite what I was expecting. I believe deeply and passionately in what I do but I can't keep it the way it is now for ever, as it - and I - will become stale. And that would be no good!

My Pilates, Fitness Yoga and Stretch teaching that has got going in the last 12 months has been a start in terms of adding variety and I am exctied and enthusiastic about the possibilities. But aside from that, what the bigger picture has to offer I have yet to find out. It's a combination of letting-go and handing over, and putting some heart and soul into searching, that will help me to be where I am meant to be. I just wonder where that is...

In the meantime, I am here, and doing this... because today that is what is meant to be.

happy 00:29:22 on Tuesday, February 9 2010

I am so very happy for, and proud of, my big sister. She is my best friend. We live separate lives but we are very close and my respect for her is sky high. I look up to her, admire her, and love her. We are two individual people, and our paths are different, however we have a common bond and close connection.

On friday she called me, "hello sis" I said. "No, that's hello Deputy Head" she replied. WAHOO, she got the job! As of September 2010 Miss Corkran Snr takes on a new job at a new school. Deputy Head at Sutton Valence Prep School. I am positively bursting with pride.

a bit like buses 00:44:19 on Monday, February 1 2010

The term got off to a stilted start - what with the snow intefering with business, and motivation on my part not being at it's best for reasons already mentioned, and an unusually quiet inbox.

The last 10 days or so, that has all changed, it's all coming at once. I've been working here at home in sussex, up in london a few times, in surrey, and in kent. Next week I am off up to middle england. The week after it's berkshire, and a day trip to one of my favourite annual bookings in scotland. In between travels, all sorts of interesting enquiries have come through. Any "new" company or business takes time to get established, and I know that whilst I am not new to the business - I've been doing this sort of thing for most of my working life now, springback is still relatively young. The fact that word seems to be spreading of it's own accord (I've not marketed for a looooong time now - keep meaning to - need to - but anyway....) and it's words that are generating curiosity and enquiries from new sources, is inspiring and encouraging and it does surprise me.

I might have picked my self-esteem up off the floor a few years ago, but it's a constant process of remembering to believe in myself that keeps me facing forward. No one said there was a cure - but there is recovery, if you want it. I do. And as a result springback - as well as so very many other things, people, memories, hopes, and fulfillment - emerged.

None of anything is certain - but that's a pretty damned good incentive to give the important stuff your best shot. Even when it all comes at once and you (I) can't keep up and it's all a bit much, with a bit of remembering to breathe it'll all be okay. If three buses come at once, no matter - just hop on the one that is going your way.