what?! 9:13 pm on Thursday, February 28 2008

I had a call tonight and it has been a massive (fantastic) bolt out of the blue. One of those things whereby you think no way would that ever happen to me - those things happen to other people, not little old normal me.

But I got that kind of a call. I can't believe it! And if the content of the call unfolds the way that it is intended to, I will let you what it is all about, soon. Very very soon.

Cross you fingers for me, please.

Wow.

PS There is no such thing as itll never happen to me. Reader, you just never know. Trust me.

puppy dog tales, ch. eighteen 12:39 am on Thursday, February 28 2008

Billys new favourite thing. Leaping and bounding with not a stick in his mouth, but half a tree. Some branch that is at least twice the length that he is. With his dumbo ears (another dog walker yesterday remarked on how much my boy resembles something from Disney) and his jaws clamped around a wooden propeller, and the momentum he generates as he charges through the fields, it is little wonder that he manages not to find himself airborne.

Hes a big boy now. But he is still my little boy, and most probably he always will be. Even when he is a grumpy old boy.

scatterbrain 12:16 am on Thursday, February 28 2008

I am up to my eyeballs in all sorts. Which is great! (?!) Springback is not a non-starter, clearly. There is a great deal of mileage, we have travelled some miles, there are many more yet to cover.

In the midst of the all sorts that there always is - to organise, deal with, face up to - I have always made my diary a priority. Keep the diary up to date and accurate. Follow it. Be prepared to change it when something new appears. Be flexible, as well as reliable.

The diary got it wrong this week. Or at least some months ago when I took on appointments for this week I got it wrong. I double-booked. It came to light late on monday evening that I was expected by 100+ people in gloucestershire today, as well as being expected by an equal number on the same day at the same time in sussex.

To err is human said Alexander Pope. And err I did, and was furious with myself about it. Pope continued to forgive is divine.

Healing words. Everyone make mistakes.

free space 12:31 am on Sunday, February 24 2008

I feel tied into so many things. And I can get caught up in the accompanying angst and what and when and how to get it all done. Sometimes.

As I turned over in bed this morning and slowly woke up and opened my eyes my first thought was I want to go to the sea. Knowing that I could, and that it was saturday, and that I had a day that was mine for the taking, made me smile. A certain puppy read my thoughts and two black velvet ears and sparkling button eyes and a twitching nose appeared on the bedsheet - gmorning, please get up, its breakfast time and I know what you are thinking and I like your plan

We got up. We ate. I endeavoured to do an hour of work with Billy squeaking and fussing and trying to put me off and make me give up and get me in the car.

In due course I was ready and we set off. And as we did so the rain began. I refused to be deterred, after all it wasn't that bad was it? We drove to Our Spot and walked across the dunes and onto the beach. Never mind the rain, the wind was what took my breath away - quite literally. I had planned to run for the most part but the sea breeze was exhausting and was against us, so I walked - and ran - and walked some more. The tide was up far higher than I have ever known it and the beach was littered with driftwood and as we journeyed on I saw all sorts and reflected on what tales each piece might tell. There were some lego bricks and a saturated soft toy that resembled an owl - all probably had first arrived on the beach last summer, accompanied by small children, and parents and buckets and spades and sun tan lotion. This morning they were cold and wet and tired and homeless. There was alot of wood lying around, and some pieces of fishing net, and rusted paraphernalia that was so corroded its past life had long since become its own secret, that I will never know.

As we neared our half way mark - the little black tin cabin with a bright red roof, a fishing trawler approached. In the grey skies and the deafening wind and the stark landscape it was one of those sights that is lonely and yet so very beautiful.

We were out there, in open space, blowing the cobwebs away, escaping from the lists and the chores and the ties, and it was wonderful to know that it was okay to take time out and it was wonderful to be free. Billy got soaking wet and covered in sand. I got soaking wet and covered in sand. I know I looked more than slightly dishevelled and curly haired and all those things that all too often really matter. But do you know what? I didn't care. It didn't matter. It was all good. A wonderful experience of open space. Of freedom.

road safety 10:56 am on Thursday, February 21 2008

It was a great trip up to Town to speak to a delightful and lively group of 100 girls. It was good. Coming home was a different story. Dont ask me how long it took. Please, don't ask!

But I got home safely, and that is all that matters.

On the way up as I took the slip road off the motorway, onto the A20, there were two people standing and signalling at the side of the road, on a sharp bend, where they were vulnerable to the vehicles that sped past them. They were directing us out of the right hand lane and a second later it was clear to see why as I passed a smashed up car, facing the wrong direction. It was obvious that the crash had been within the last few moments, the emergency services had yet to arrive.

Traffic jams, hold ups, delays. They pale into insignificance, when you realise how much worse it could be.

Drive carefully.

server 10:52 am on Thursday, February 21 2008

If you tried to drop in yesterday and couldnt, thats because the website server was being updated and springback.org.uk was therefore unavailable. Apologies.

The good news is that now we are back!

update 12:06 am on Friday, February 15 2008

Been wanting to write for a while. But havent.

Rewinding and catching up a bit the weekend. The weekend was good. On saturday it was a joy to awake to sunshine. I pottered about doing bits of nothingness in the morning (after sleeping in) and in the afternoon I visited Winchelsea Beach for the first time. It was awesome. I loved it. Billy loved it. With our companions we walked and talked and I can not even begin to describe the beauty of our surroundings. The seascape was incredible, I would not have wanted to be anywhere else in the universe that afternoon.

Having walked far out, we turned and walked back. And then we walked on past two houses that I have watched the building of (Grand Designs) and it was fun to see them in the flesh. Half a pint at the Smugglers Inn rounded the day off nicely, before heading home happy and tired.

On Sunday, once again the sunshine was the first thing I noticed. I sniffed and sneezed my way through church, my first visit in a couple of months and it was good to be there. Then another dogwalk, and even though this time it was just across the road, yet again I was blown away by the beauty of our surroundings. With the sun shining, gleaming on the lake and across the hills, and quiet chat with a friend, and Billy bouncing in the way that only Billy can, it was stunning.

After the walk, I got in the car and headed up to London. What a lovely afternoon. It was funny to be back in the territory where I used to live, and when we went out for a walk we passed by my old home, 33b Whiteley Road, and I reminisced about my 3 years there. I miss London in many ways - the buzz, the vibe, the quirkiness, the chaos. But whilst it is not my home now, it is still there, and easy enough to get to. On sunday I just loved spending time with someone who is fantastic, and having a bit of space and time to catch up over cups of tea and a walk in the park.

I drove home full of thought, full of contemplation.

A week of variety, in the way that the work of springback is variable. I have not even begun to catch up on the work that is to be done quite the opposite in fact. But I am, nonetheless, doing my best. Which is about as much as I can do.

Happy Valentines Day,

my springback butterfly 10:56 am on Saturday, February 9 2008

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

Nathaniel Hawthorne

I like it.

community channel 12:06 am on Wednesday, February 6 2008

Since my video shorts have been become newly accessible on the community channel website, just 36 hours ago, they have been viewed 450 times.

Wow.

If people are looking and listening, if my word is getting out there, then great. I am honoured. But more than that I am hoping that I will give someone else some hope.

I don't believe in hopelessness. I don't think that there is ever such a thing. Where there is life, always there is hope.

Al and Billy 4:21 pm on Tuesday, February 5 2008

Alex and Billy

Its hello from us! We hope, in due course, to revamp/re-launch the springback website - something a bit more up to date and alive. This will take a bit of time though. Its a few weeks away. In the meantime, I have been playing with the facilities available on the current site, and learnt - sort of - (thanks Tim!) how to post photos. This is not our (billy or my) best angle but it is a test run, and hey, it seems to have worked!

blog blog 4:32 pm on Monday, February 4 2008

Why am I sitting here blogging and mulling over all sorts of thoughts and ideas, on a busy monday afternoon?

Why? I have the most enormous mountain of things to do, emails to send, calls to make, people to speak to, paperwork to plough through.. and because I don't quite know how I will ever get through it, I am faffing and trying to escape.

Its called procrastination. Pah.

mentoring update 4:26 pm on Monday, February 4 2008

The campaign I was involved with in December used some video shorts with me. At the end of the campaign they went off-line. Now they are back on-line! If you missed it the first time around and would like to take a look, use the following link. This time around there is the added bonus of being able to view full-screen too!

http://www.communitychannel.org/index.php?option=com_rnvideoarchive&task=view&vidclip=291&Itemid=139

Many thanks to the brilliant people at Community Channel

marie claire mark 3 4:13 pm on Monday, February 4 2008

Honesty and straight talking.

I believe strongly in both of these things. Secrets keep people sick, stuck, isolated, and suffocated. Talking around the houses uses up precious time, whereas straight talking opens up so many more doors and frees up time to live and learn and enjoy.

However, I have to admit (in accordance with my preference for honesty!) that when I saw the Marie Claire article in print, it all took a bit of getting used to. It is frank, very frank, and revealing. Since I first saw it, I have become more comfortable with it and afterall, all it is doing is telling it the way that it is - as the title line says it is quite simply My Message of Hope for Anorexics

- and their family and friends too, by the way.

My years of living with a raging eating disorder were in the 90s. Now we are already well in to 2008. A lot has happened. I have learned so much about so many things. I have grown. I work with people in trouble and I recall my past regularly when I work in schools and with families. But I don't live in the past. I live in - and for - today. Whilst for all of us the past can influence our present, I am the girl I am today, the one in the pictures who is laughing, not the girl I was back then, who was utterly lost.

And if you know me, youll know that.

Thanks, Marie Claire, sincerely.