once upon a time 01:16:01 on Sunday, November 30 2008

Real life isn't the same as the life we read about and romanticise about in story books and aga sagas.

Everyone knows that I, as a child, would lose myself in the lives of the characters created by Enid Blyton, and similar authors. I dreamed of the storybook world - adventures, escapades, and happy endings. Cosy comforting scenarios, traditional scenes - like snow at christmas, warm sunny summers, picnics on the beach, and cottages with roses around the door.

I can't remember the last time it snowed at christmas. The weather this summer was - frankly - wet. I've not had a picnic for a while.

Picture this... A listed wooden cottage in a village near the sea. The ceilings downstairs are low, and the floors throughout are crooked. Downstairs, you can look up and see holes in the ceiling and glimmers of light from upstairs. There are beams everwhere and a log fire burns in an old brick fireplace. A dog lies toasting by the fire, and a cat strolls in and saunters upstairs. There is a long cottage garden leading down to a stream, and beyonds that are fields where farm animals graze. The front of the cottage is symmetrical - one door, framed by four windows, like houses that children draw. And yes, there are roses growing around the door.

Welcome to my home. Life is not Enid Blytonesque - there are worries, pressures, responsiblities (including those that go with owning a property that is more than 300 years old!) - but some dreams are not just for dreaming.

Don't be afraid to dream. If you never dream a dream. how are you ever going to have a dream come true?

give yourself a gift! 23:24:45 on Thursday, November 27 2008

You will be more than aware from my twittering, of my love of pilates, yoga and stretch. I get to classes in the evenings when I can - a few a week - not alot - but enough to give my body a dose of goodness, and my mind a dose of the same. Developing flexibility and strength has been a wholly good thing. I may be a small thing (yes - I really really said that! My head can tell my all sorts of rubbish all of the time but I am able to rise above it when I choose to!) but I am strong - I have muscle - I have a body that works.

Thursdays are my exception to the evening class rule - I get to go, when I am available to do so, to yoga and a stretch class on thursday mornings. Given that I work all sorts of mad hours most of the time - catching up on work out-of-hours, travelling to schools and meetings at all sorts of times - I don't consider myself to be skiving - I'm on flexi-time (a blessing and a curse!)

After 7 hours in the car yesterday, this mornings class was good. I couldn't get to yoga - it was fully booked - but Billy was glad as it meant I took him for a run in the fields instead. I went, however, to a stretch class. Delicious. I got my nose on my knees, my face on the floor, my hands on my feet, my legs over my head (but not all at once!!) My shoulders released, my hips relaxed, my neck extended, and I could swear that all that stretching left me a few inches taller!

At the end of the class we lay on our mats one last time. Stretched fingers and toes, then turned over to one side, curled up into a ball.

It was time to give ourselves a gift. A hug. I was ready and able and willing to give myself just that.

another one 23:01:10 on Thursday, November 27 2008

She wasn't expecting to talk to me I don't think. I suspect she didn't think she had the words.

But I bumped into her nonetheless. Her eyes were glistening, her lip quivvered.

"Thank you" she said, "thank you for talking to us. You have just described exactly the way that I feel. It is like you were talking about me"

"You know where I am, if you need me" I said. I said it again - and I meant it.

Enough said.

yogi 00:26:46 on Wednesday, November 26 2008

We may not meet as often as that, and in the meantime there are many miles between us, but I love her dearly, and admire her too.

Many family members wondered just what "retiring to Skye" was going to lead to all those years ago when she and Peter first talked about it.

From what I can tell, it's been a rip roaring success and the snippets of life in that spectacular landscape that I have read about and heard about have invariably engaged me, made me laugh, gasp, connect - and delight in the joy that they have experienced - such joy that it has been suffice to carry them through the tough times - the floods, the gales, the bleak and brutal weather - the roar of the sea - the distance from family.

He is forever busy with home maintenance and the latest new project. She creates the most incredible knitwear - each one a work of art. They make their own bread, they eat local fresh food, support local family run businesses. They have a thriving b&b. She swims in the sea braving the quite literally icy temperatures. They walk miles and miles, appreciating and caring for the environment.

I hope I can be forgiven for saying this but it has been relatively "late" in life that she has found her niche in terms of qualifying to teach yoga and enhance the lives of others with yoga practice. Yoga is a holistic practice - a spiritual one (without being religious). It embraces body mind and spirit - or as some prefer to say, body, mind and breath. it is indeed a practice - not an event - and it takes practice to reap the rewards. Through bringing yoga into her own life I know that Sara has been enriched. Through bringing into the lives of others, she has helped them to become rich with it's benefits too. That's a truly wonderful thing.

Sara, whilst you are "down south" this next little while, recovering from a dreadful injury and op, I wish you much love and strength to rest and repair. And I hope the the healing vibes of yoga will resonate through and aid you as you let other take care of you and you start to get better. In my own yoga practice, I will stretch and bend on your behalf! I will send good energy your way x

fudge it 00:10:12 on Tuesday, November 25 2008

Sometimes we all want to say something angry, and be someone angry, and let rip.

Want to. Need to. Don't have to.

Maybe the day has been all fudged up and messy, but like it or not it can get better.

Throw your rattle out of the pram. Be horrid. Act a way that's not okay. But learn from it in the process. Learn that it is not worth it, and whilst the rest of us will forgive you entirely (since we've all done it and our love and support is unconditional) we will not let it continue - for the sake of all of us. So if it all kicks off again, we will have no choice but to put consequences in place.

Cos - like it or not - we care

another day 00:40:57 on Monday, November 24 2008

I'd been ready for the weekend - since about monday evening or thereabouts.............

As per norm, I had to wait til tuesday wednesday etc had passed by in their own good time and we got there in the end. It's been kind of okay - peaceful and I've had some space, but it's not been great.

I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting anything really, but defintely wasn't expecting this. Things went kind of wonky, blah, yuck and owch. No crisis, no big stuff - but sometimes it's the little stuff that stops you in your tracks. As I wrote before, and as we all say, life is full of ups and downs.

New day in the morning. New day. New week. Who knows what sunshine we'll see - I don't doubt there will be plenty,

life happens 23:44:14 on Sunday, November 23 2008

It is full of ups and downs - that is acceptable, that is life. There is a big difference however - between experiencing ups and downs and weathering the storm when needs must, and being carried a while when it's all a bit too much - and throwing tantrums and creating drama irrespective of the repercussions.

The former is life, and it's sometimes tough, really tough, but it's okay. The latter is dramatics and can be damaging and it is not okay.

Getting from the latter to the former, in terms of getting into recovery and finding peace and a sense of self-worth and an ability to cope in the real world, is not always easy. Sometimes it is seemingly impossible. But not truly impossible - just seemingly so. I don't hold the key, I don't have a hard and fast answer, I don't have a guarantee - but I do have the insight, ability, willingness and skill to support and guide, and I do know a bit about putting healthy boundaries in place.

We are all teachers - and we are all teachable. We can all learn from one another. The people in our lives are our greatest asset - and our best investment. Look after your personal investment, it's the most precious and valuable thing in your life - and if you take care of it you can't lose out - no matter how life happens.

assumptions and stereotypes 23:33:49 on Tuesday, November 18 2008

I missed last week's instalment, and the beginning of tonight's - a 2-part Horizon edition on bbc 2.

What I did see however, was interesting for all sorts of reasons. The one thing that stood out for me from the moment I began to watch, to the end when it was verbalised by one of the panel, was that we must not and cannot make assumptions about people based on what we think we see - or what we have come to assume as a result of the influences in our society.

The programme was looking at mental illness and five people who had suffered with five different mental illnesses were put with five who had not, and the challenge for the panel of three experts was to work out who was who, based on a series of tests, enquiries and observation over a period of several days.

The panel got it wrong more than once. Which is by no means a failure on their part. But it does highlight just how easily and often diagnosis can be mistaken - which in the real (non-tv-show) world can lead to big trouble.

Mental illness is suffered by one in every four adults in the UK. It has the potential to be devastating. It needs to be taken seriously, treated seriously, acknowledged and understood as a part of our society. It must not be stigmatised or ignored - that won't fix it or make for a happier world. The only way forward is to embrace the situation and be honest and open - and nonjudgemental in the process.

That way, together, we can make a real, positive difference to people's lives.

postcards from the wise 23:39:15 on Sunday, November 16 2008

My spare bedroom has gradually become a cosy (quirky) space - wonky floor, with holes in it, daybed, and lots of photographs that have spilled over from the rest of the cottage. On the wall, to each side of the mirror, are two ikea frames. In the middle of each of these are postcards I have had for ten or more years and that I will hold on to for always - every time I look at them I hear them and I remember those who gave them to me.

On one, is written

"Just trust yourself. Then you will know how to live."

And on the other

"It's okay to wake up laughing."

I'm grateful for these words and I hope you will listen to them too.

hopeless, helpless 23:27:05 on Sunday, November 16 2008

Following on from the last blog post, and my instinctive desire to work with people, I can't forget the irony of anorexia (bulimia / eating disorders / addiction). This is the most horribly selfish and punishing illness. For years, I did things "my" way - all too aware (or so I thought) of the impact on others - I just did what I did because I (believed I) "had to".

I suffered. The people I love the most suffered just as much - or more - but it didn't stop me. I was entirely hopeless - and thoroughly helpless. I was lost.

In between hospital admissions I continued to work - and endeavoured to be of use - I served in shops, I assisted in a nursery, I au paired... and whilst I wasn't a total failure in any of these jobs, I certainly didn't give what I might have had I been well and alive.

The job I do now was by no means ever planned. Not in the slightest. It evolved. And the joy of it is, that no longer being hopeless and helpless I can actually - properly and wholly - offer help - and hope.

give and take 23:12:03 on Sunday, November 16 2008

All of my life I have been someone who has wanted to help. As a child - as much as I needed help, guidance and teaching, I loved to reach out. As a teen I got more opportunities to put that passion into practice. I took some such opportunties up.

Aged about 16 or 17 I read an article in the local rag, about a wee girl who was sick - very very sick. She had a brain tumour, had undergone major surgery, and as a result was alive, but severely disabled. I responded to the article by contacting the family and getting involved in helping her - Joanna - with the intensive rehabilitation programme she was undergoing. I would go to their house once or twice a week and cuddle her and talk to her and assist in the crucial physiotherapy and stimulation that was required to help her to learn how to move and talk and live.

I treasured those times. I loved Joanna totally as I got to know her and her family more. Her parents amazed me - their strength and kindness was extraordinary.

As time passed Joanna made wonderful progress - we started to read books together. and build towers of building blocks, and laugh. There were dark days also, when she was inconsolable and I would just hold her close and rock her and without words I would let her know that she was safe.

The tumour returned. She didn't deserve that. But - who does? I've never forgotten that precious little girl and never will. I hope I gave her something of value. I know she gave me something priceless.

plagiarism 23:00:33 on Sunday, November 16 2008

I woke early - before daylight. Up, dressed, cup of tea, face put on, and out of the door and into the car, with breakfast wrapped up and ready to eat in a while.

Sarah Kennedy gave way to Wogan on the radio, keeping me company as I travelled. I arrived at my destination in good time, and eating a peanut butter sandwich I almost choked (with laughter!) as Terry wittered on, and summed up his radio station...

"Education, Information...

...entertainment"

Good Lord he came close, so very close, to stealing Springback's tag line.

Education, Information, Inspiration.

(and by the way, we have folk who entertain too)

www 01:44:48 on Wednesday, November 12 2008

World Wide Web - Wonderful When (it) Works

Excruciating (in this day and age) when it doesn't.

My internet connection went down on sunday night just as I was getting stuck into catching up on some overdue correspondence. Undeterred, I carried on, saved the whole lot to the drafts file, and went to bed, telling myself is would all be better in the morning.

It wasn't. Following a painfully frustrating call to the premium-rate "help" line it still wasn't. I hung up, gave up, and wondered what to do. I imagined that all sorts of emails were trying to get through and that people were wating to hear back from me and all sorts of scenario's and problems that were surely going to be created.

After the wild imaginings I tried to reclaim some sort of sensible perspective. Just because I couldnt email today needn't be that important. I could just have well been out on the road travelling to appointments, or having a day off, or been laid up with flu... there are all sorts of incidents which separate me from my inbox.... so, Al, stop panicking!

Disheartened by the technical (non)support that I wasn't getting as promised, I did a bit of "fiddling" this afternoon - tried my luck at resetting codes, rerouting and rebooting.

Did I know what I was doing?

Not in the slightest.

Did it work?

Well funnily enough... yes, it did.

Genius

manipulation 23:37:20 on Wednesday, November 5 2008

Been there, done that, perfected the art - unfortunately.

Manipulation is not bad - but it is, more often than not, wrong.

The one (perhaps only) good thing to come out of my own experience of pushing the boundaries, ducking and diving, is that I recognise it in others. And experience has shown that I see it often when others do not. And I understand. I don't concur but I understand. And I can help. And I will. And do.

I am not a threat, I am a support. I can help with finding a way out of the bleakness, away from the deceit and despair, and on to far better things. That's why I set up Springback.

I meet.. 23:29:24 on Wednesday, November 5 2008

... all sorts of people in my job. Just because I work in a specific "field" the variation and change is considerable. We are all individual, we are all unique, we all have so much to offer.

Just because we may have commonalities (perhaps I have created a new word there?) none of us are the same. Putting people in boxes is just wrong. Making assumptions is often mistaken.

There is no one else quite like you. Be the best you that you can be, and you will - whoever you are - stand out as very special.

Walk tall. Be proud. Smile.

mixed messages 19:39:48 on Wednesday, November 5 2008

To put a tv show on air that is "promoting natural beauty" can be no bad thing. Although I have read some rather worrying reports of the behind the scenes reality of the show.

To fill the ad-breaks with sales pitches for hair gloss to hide your grey, foundation to conceal your blemishes, scent that's name suggests it improves your looks (and comes with free eye shadow), and yoghurt that fills you up enough to help you resist having a naughty nibble with your afternoon cuppa, seems to me to be somewhat ironic.

It's little wonder so many people are struggling to just "be", and to feel contentment.

bend 00:49:41 on Tuesday, November 4 2008

My favourite hour of the week, monday nights at 7.30 whenever I can make it. Power Stretch Class. Good music, good feel and a great big giggle as well.

"I wish you were qualified, you've done it, you can do it, you could do this class while I am away" she said.

Who... me? Yep, me. I've been working on it and I have been apparently getting the results. I am more supple, more flexible, and most importantly of all, I enjoy it. It does me good, it makes me feel good. It is great when your body works.

rubbish 00:27:05 on Tuesday, November 4 2008

When I moved in a couple of years ago, the way it worked was quite simple and worked for all. Once a week the bin men came around in the morning, and emptied my dustbin.

A year or so ago, that all changed. We were deliverd miniature wheelie-bins and told that the collections were being reduced to once a fortnight. And to boot, the bin men wouldn't come around anymore, instead it became the way, that said-wheelie was expected to sit outside the front door for them. Which, in this cottage, means taking the bin across the garden, through the gate, through next-door, through next-door-but-one, around the corners and up the steps, along the lane, down the road, and finally up to my front door.

And the terms were strict. Your bin will not be emptied if it overflows (keep rubbish to a minimum - it's a fortnight and a mini bin don't forget). Don't put the bin out any earlier than the night before (in darkness for half the year - making it a tiresome and jeopardous expedition.) Remove the bin from the front of the house promptly after rubbish collection has taken place.

I've played by the rules. Albeit with plenty of sighing. And being an active recycle and compost girl, I only put what I have to into the bin. Last night I put the bin out. This morning I went to bring it back to the garden. It was still full. Refuse collection had missed it. So now I need to empty 2 weeks worth of waste into the back of the car and take it down to the tip. Which frankly, I think, is rubbish.

Rant over.