absence 00:11:03 on Sunday, January 17 2010

I've wanted to blog but haven't had coherent words and sentences... 2010 got off to a bumpy start. There have been some really great times and friendship and laughter, however I have struggled. And wanting you to know that I am a human being who acknowledges struggle I am telling you that.

I have not written although I have tried to. I have composed blog posts and then deleted them. I won't delete this. Brace yourself for a mini-Al-rant!

I had a fabulous NYE - with wonderful friends. Such fun and so much laughter. Walking home it all turned sour. I am a very lucky girl, that is the important thing. I live in a safe and caring place but I experienced something that could have gone totally wrong. I found out the following day that I was not alone. Some of my friends went through terror just as I did, caused by the same person who terrorised me. I went into my shell, for a little while, didn't know what to say to anyone, friends around here or anyone - I didn't even speak to my nearest and dearest - in time I opened up, and they were amazing. They always are - why do I try to protect them - why do I hide?

It's been a matter that the Police are dealing with - not because of me but because of several incidents that same night. They have been amazing and supportive, and we'll move on.

As an aside - or three! - I have been ill ill ill. I don't do ill! Coughs and sneezes and sniffing diseases. I ended up in the doctors surgery a couple of days ago (doc-o-phobic Al) in such pain - I've torn a muscle from coughing and ouch it hurt. But we are officially on the mend now :o)

And the snow. Ohhhh, the snow. It has been extraordinary and very beautiful, but you know what, when you are self-employed and work involves travel, it's a nightmare! I have had about 10 days on the trot where every single day had business booked and every day was cancelled. Schools talks. Client meetings. And starting up new pilates classes. Delete delete delete... Yick! Some will be re-scheduled, the rest I just have to agree to write-off.

That is the rant over, and some sort of an explanation for being non-blog. I've decided tht the New Year has actually not started yet. Springback declares Monday 18th as the first day of a new beginning. I am more than willing to start all over again then. You too?

new day 23:54:10 on Friday, January 1 2010

New days equal new beginnings. New Year is not the only time to "start anew" - we can all start anew the moment we decide that it's what we need to do. New day - new hour - new minute - newness is all around us. Be new, be clear, be free.

blogging 23:53:30 on Friday, January 1 2010

As an aside from the fact that I do sometimes (but not always) track my blog statistics to see how many readers I get, I sometimes get a comment from someone about the frequency - or lack - of blogging I have provided. When someone points out that I have not written in a while I am kind of touched - that my absence has been noticed.

NY resolution - keep blogging.

draughts 23:52:26 on Friday, January 1 2010

I have to get a plumber to come and help me out with the heating. I have to, I must and I will. Whilst I was spoilt rotten with all sorts of loveliness this Christmas there was undeniably a theme running through the majority of my gorgeous gifts. I struggle with Reynaud's as long time blog-followers may know and added to that this little wooden house is hard to heat (esp with the boiler that I've got that has it's own mind, and doesn't communicate logically with me) I received mittens, scarves, battery heated gloves (!!!) for dog walks, thick socks, a usb powered foot warmer (so whilst I sit at my laptop dealing with work I can tuck my toes into heated cosiness!) I hate being cold and yet I seem to be quite good at it. I try my best to avoid it but it creeps up on me. This cottage has stood proud and strong for hundreds of years, but in that time the draughts seem to have negotiated their way through the walls and they invade and make me shiver. Thank heavens at least that even when the ground is cold and crisp and even, and the boiler is having a paddy (several times a day) when I get to the evening I light the fire in the wood burner, and Billy and I can sit on the floor and get toasty.

teacher 23:50:27 on Friday, January 1 2010

Oooh heck. On Monday (4^th Jan) I start to run my first regular Pilates class at the gym. Not just me covering for somebody else's class, but little me teaching my own. And then, the very next day, Tuesday 5^th Jan I start to run my second regular Pilates class at the gym. Mondays will be a beginners class, Tuesdays will be a standard (intermediate) Every week. My classes. Here's hoping that they work out - in the short term, in the medium term, and in the long term.

It's a beginning, I hope it'll get me somewhere towards opening new doors and windows.

doors and windows 23:49:36 on Friday, January 1 2010

When one door closes, somewhere a window opens. That's what they say anyway. And in essence they are true words. They do simplify things, bear that in mind. How many of us have felt one door close, and then heard a second one slam? Sometimes a third door shuts, locks, and bolts itself, and you are left out in the freezing cold. And we stand there and ask ourselves "why" or "what" or "how so"?

During my mere 33 years on planet earth, I have lived through this, more than once, irrespective of growing up in a blessed, secure and loving home. It's not been about family, or who I am, it's been all about life. Life happens. And sometimes it stinks. But through thick and thin, we live learn and grow. And to date, even when three or more doors have closed, in due course a window or three have always opened.

I thank the Powers That Be, and salute windows for the fact that they all have that capacity to open - either smoothly or with the help of a bit of a shove.

silly season 23:48:31 on Friday, January 1 2010

I love Christmas for the occasion that it marks, and the reason that it offers to bring family and friends together. But for so many Christmas is not all about silliness and celebration, and even for those for whom it is, it is not always easy, and it does not always match the Christmas storybook stereotype. I have people around me who I absolutely adore and cherish, but I have found Christmas this year to be really hard. That's not because of others, it's because of me. I need to resolve a few things, give myself a bit of a break, and be the person I prefer to be (as opposed to the grumpy shivvery 'not-quite-Al' Al) I apologised profusely on the phone a few nights ago, to a dear friend who knows I feel a bit rubbish. "Shut up!" she told me -"... you are always so happy and bright and bubbly, and I have cried on your shoulder plenty, so you are more than slightly allowed to have a bit of down-time. "

Fair comment. Thank you lovely lady ( you don't read the blog but I needed to say it anyway.) Life is life, ups are ups and downs can be bleurgh, but we can make it through, so we can,

Billy bob's Christmas bits & bobs 23:45:48 on Friday, January 1 2010

A certain 2 and a half year old puppy dawg got all sorts of lovely treats this Christmas time - he has many friends...

From Mum (me!) a squeaky snowman - which is gradually being shredded and my floor is covered in white snowman wool. From my Ma and D he received Rudy the very rude squeaky reindeer who makes thoroughly non-pc noises when he/she/it gets squeaked. Dog chews and biscuits and an edible Christmas card added to the mountain of Billy-gifts. And a chew and toy were also gratefully received from the family of one of Al's clients. Billy seems to make a difference to some of the individuals and families I offer counsel to, and whilst he is "just a dog", time and time again he does play a funny little part in offering comfort and joy. A belated Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year.